I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
Randomize
