I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
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