for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
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