i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
sex in a hospital.. check
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
Randomize
