God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
Randomize
