The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
as a side note pls kill me
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
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