Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
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