I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
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