Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
That's your vagina. No one goes out and burns it
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
Randomize
