; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
YAS. BRING CRAB.
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
