i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
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