I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
Randomize
