I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
Randomize
