If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
