we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
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