i'm lost and i look like a hooker
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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