I molested 6 butterflies tonight
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
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