I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
Randomize
