RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
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