All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
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