Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
