Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
Ketchup is God's man juice
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
Randomize
