Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
Randomize
