I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
The power of my boobs compel you
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
Randomize
