Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
Randomize
