I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
Randomize
