One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
Randomize
