Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
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