I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
Randomize
