sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
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