Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
Randomize
