Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
Randomize
