just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
Randomize
