I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
Randomize
