i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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