My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
Randomize
