im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
Randomize
