I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
Randomize
