Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
He felt like a one man threesome
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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