Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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