so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Randomize
