she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
