We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
And my parents said I crawled through the house
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
Randomize
