Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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