I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Randomize
