I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
Randomize
