You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Randomize
