He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
