Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
Randomize
