gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
But theres a keg here and me gusta
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
Randomize
