why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
