I cut my penus on the lid.
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
Of course I have a pirate flag
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
Dicks are not precious.
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