I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
Ikea night.
?
Insert tab A into swedish slot B
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
