Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
Randomize
