how do flat chested girls get laid?
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
Randomize