my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
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