She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
Randomize
