Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
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