Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
I'm like, not good at living.
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
Randomize
