Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
Randomize