I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize
