where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
Michael Bay diarrhea
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize
