Her eyes are really red like she jus got out of the hospital and shes coughing ...80 ppl at her school do have swine flu dude
So your saying just a blow job?
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
Randomize