last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
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