omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
I'd cum for enchiladas.
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
Randomize
