I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
Walk of Shame. In a state park.
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
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