Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Randomize
