the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
Randomize
