Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
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