Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
Randomize
