"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
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