We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
The best walk of shames are on the highway
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