I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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