life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
Tornado booty call.. dedication
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
Randomize
