There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize
