Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize
