i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Randomize
