Three words: puerto rican gang bang
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
I have peed in a lot of sinks
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
Randomize
