I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
Sorry about my life...
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
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